The Permanence of Possibilities

It struck me this morning that part of ageing is not the total removal of possibilities for ourselves, but the change in the nature of them: death and decay suddenly appearing on the horizon like travellers looking for a place to rest for the night.

In youth, one’s possibilities are, if not boundless, at least positive in nature – there is always the possibility that something good will happen, specifically, to me. A job, love, children, a shiny new car. It seems to me that middle age is partially about recognising that often bad things will happen, if not to me, then to others. In middle age, possibilities from youth transmogrify into uncertainties and then high unlikelihoods. I think this can affect us in different ways: the resignation of the stoic, the frenetic activity of denial and perhaps a sudden laser-like focus on the one or two possibilities that remain, if not for us, then for our children or family.

It’s heartbreaking then to meet young people who seem, on account of a severe and enduring lack of possibilities in childhood, to have the countenance and disposition of those of in the next generation, or even the next. Perhaps, as we go about our own business, coming to terms with the impermanence of our possibilities, we can pass one on, with hope, to a younger person.

And then there is the dog. As I sat this morning contemplating all this, I asked him what permanent possibility he might dwell upon in his own dear, but tiny, mind. The answer came as a reflex: cats.

It’s a new record!

Of backing and forthing to the school in one day. Six visits – that’s twelve to and fros in a day.

07.50 Go to school
08.00 Return
15.10 Go to school
15.15 Return
15.55 Go to school
16.00 Return
16.50 Go to school
17.00 Return

This is where we are now. The dog has been with me on three out of the four occasions and is now refusing to leave the house again today. Unbelievably, I still have to:~

17.50 Go to school
18.00 Return
18.50 Go to school
19.00 Return

I have written this post mainly as an aide memoire to myself. I am so dizzy I am worried I might forget one leg of the marathon relay race thingummyjigummy and end up:~

leaving a child at school overnight
leaving both children at school overnight
leaving myself at school overnight

What’s to blame for all the trips? Irish Dancing. And when St Patrick Day finally comes around next month I will have more than earned my Guiness.